In the state of dilemma

I know it's late and I'm supposed to be up early tomorrow.
But I think I have to let out a little.
Like yea, everything that happened for my birthday was beautiful.
Especially the first few hours, I would say.
But was it good or bad I wouldn't know. But I loved it, so much.
It somehow brightened up my day, or days to be exact.
To at least know, I wasn't alone.
Well, it left me in the state of dilemma.
Like I didn't know what was I supposed to do.
Well. I thought things will get better from that point of time.
Until I realized I was left neither here not there.

Frankly speaking, maybe I've yet to let go. Maybe.
Your words still affect me much. It hurts like so.
I'm lost. Again. Where should I go? What should I do? When will the indecisive me learn to decide?
Damn. Kill me now.