Just when I was so determined.

I can't help it but to feel so negative now. Why so? I question myself.
Friends, and family. Always there for me? No?
Keeping everything inside, feelings, rants, sadness, negligence.
No one will understand, no one will feel it as much as I do.
Should I go back to my own ways? No, I know it's not good for me.
But how? There's so so much to I can take.
I really need a getaway. Just to avoid all these shit.
SIGHPIE.
Just wish I wasn't so loyal. I know I'm selfish. Yes and I hate that too.
Me me and only me. What am I thinking?
I have to learn to give generously. What am I doing?
Damn this is torturous. Taste of the real world.
Where looks plays a huge role.
Makes my mood plunge to the rock bottom.
Well it's a new month. I told myself. I have to start a new.
Inculcate good habits and forget the past.
Once again I struggle, but will I succeed? I really ponder and hope so.
It's like even doing something you like to so is also so stressful, with all the talented people..
How do I stay afloat. Is this too much? Or am I doing too little?
Do I need to put in more effort? Do I need to be more generous?
Just give me a reason.
With songs playing through in my mind.
Damn... Wanna go to the beach so badly. And have some alone time. Just have a nice walk?
Away from the bustling cities.

Put my concerns for myself  down.
How I look, how much I eat, how much I weight, how I dress.
Just give me a happy day. Please.

Pretty much drowning in my own tears. Keep it in this blog for now.
Tomorrow will be a better day. Study hard. Work hard. Yay.

Why do I suck so much and ruin my friendships. I'm not a good girlfriend, in not a good friend. Neither am I a good daughter?
What the fuck am I? Non-existant bitch.